By Dominic Casciani BBC News home affairs
Zeeshan Siddique, who is currently missingUntil Thursday morning, the identity of Zeeshan Siddique, a 26-year-old British jihadi who has escaped his control order, was a closely guarded secret. The BBC has won the right to release his name, and has been given access to his diaries.
Cold, alone and suffering from terrible diarrhoea, Zeeshan Anis Siddique's dream of being a heroic warrior in the name of God, was faltering.
"The greatest tests are truly to be soon alleviated and the greatest rewards will be given to those who bore them with patience only for the sake of Allah," he comforts himself.
"Extremely cold and troublesome night," he writes, occasionally invoking strong language. "Awoke first time after Fajr [dawn prayers] 0724 HRS then bk 2 sleep. Pain in head and flank." "I'm covered in shit and there ain't a drop of water. Only Allah knows the suffering I am going thru."
"He will not let the suffering of his believing slaves go to waste. Allah knows that the thing I hate most is being covered in filth."
"All alone in a strange land with strange ppl [people] and a strange language. I'm always constantly laughed at and ridiculed. I can trust no-one except Allah - for he alone is my only helping and protecting friend."
"Found out some bad news. The relaxing place was done over. 7-8 of the guys
taken whilst asleep. 2 others 72ed," jihadi slang for killed, referring to "martyrs" rewarded with 72 virgins in paradise.
"The armies of Islam are coming, we are ready. I must endure and outdo all
the others in endurance. I will do what Allah has willed for me indeed only then
will Allah make me successful both in this life and the next."
"I can only repay this debt of gratitude by giving my life and blood for his cause. I just pray that Allah makes this path easy for me."
"I just can't imagine how other Muslims... including my own brother can go about their daily lives as normal, rejecting the strife of the battlefield. Today Islam needs those who are prepared to fight to the death.
"I must rejoin my contingent I must make an all-out immense effort. I have come to the conclusion to just go for it.
"I am still allowing this world to overcome me... once I am back on the field Allah will improve my health automatically.
"Do not waiver or become weak against the enemy. This is the only way I can be reunited again with mummy and daddy in jannah [heaven]."
Pertinent Links:
1) Jihadi diary: Inside the mind
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