DAR AL ISLAM - SAUDI ARABIA: WOMEN ARE LIKE CATS ON A HOT TIN ROOF (WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS)

Why This Subservience to Man in Everything?

Addressing women’s psychological and cultural issues in Saudi society is an ongoing process. One problem that faces Saudi women is related to their individual characteristics, including submissiveness, loss of rights, feelings of inferiority and humiliation. Or she could be a woman with a twisted mind, worsening her problems and increasing the humanitarian gap that already exists in our society.

Some problems might occur because of factors that are associated with families that don’t appreciate the ambitions or skills of their women members. In other cases when the woman’s environment is a healthy one, society and its complicated duties and prohibitions remain a stumbling block on the way to achieving goals and dreams.

I have written a number of articles about specific problems faced by Saudi women. I tried to tackle as directly as possible the problems we struggle with on a daily basis and that the community has neglected to solve.

During my research on Saudi woman’s social status, her perfect image and the contradictory reality in the public culture, I discovered that her most important problem is her “mentality”. And even though I know that I’ve already begun to irritate many women readers, I hope they will give me a chance and discover at the end of the article that the situation is not any different from the way I describe it.

Saudi women in general, unfortunately, believe unquestioningly that men have qualifications and skills women can never have. They believe that men know more about life in general than they do, that men handle such matters more professionally and ably that they always know what to say and when to say it. If men and women’s opinions clash, men’s opinions are surely correct. Because no matter how well experienced and knowledgeable a woman is, she always remains inexperienced in the eyes of men who take advantage of all opportunities that are based on nothing more than his sex. Thus, the idea of men having the upper hand remains fixed in women’s subconscious in different forms and at different levels.

To be able to understand why many women believe in the superiority of men, we can give an example of the behavior of some women employees around their male boss. You find them struggling and fighting over winning his satisfaction just like cats on a hot tin roof. You find that each woman will go to absurd lengths to draw her boss’ attention and admiration to her skills and abilities, her proficiency and talents even though she may be nowhere as good as she thinks she is. All the same she feels the urge and desire to prove to this particular man that she’s worthy of respect and that she’s different from her peers. Women might not have the same feelings when their boss is another woman. In fact, many women accept harsh criticism from men who might actually hold lower positions at work but they would not accept the same criticism from another woman even if she were the boss. The only logical explanation for such an attitude is that these types of women don’t know their own value and worth unless a man is the one to appreciate both. In other words, they have low self-esteem even though they don’t realize it.

And to make the picture even clearer, I can use my own experience and profession in the following example. One of the satellite channels recently interviewed the head of a Saudi university. The head addressed many issues, including the competency of some deans and supervisors and the most flowery and beautiful words of praise were used. What is more revealing is that the deans and supervisors began calling him, one after the other, while the show was on the air in order to praise him and the university.

Even though the first phone call was enough praise and the rest of the calls were not required, they kept on calling and showering him with unnecessary compliments. What motive drove all those women to compete in calling their boss to speak highly of him?

Perhaps the women consider themselves to be both elite and educated. Each of them occupies a crucial academic administrative position that makes them feel different from other women who are still trying to secure the same basic needs for their normal lives. Regardless of this, they still felt the need to prove their competence to a man. Were they proving something to him or simply reassuring themselves about something that they worry constantly about?
I believe that when Saudi women liberate themselves from the obsessive desire to attracting a man’s attention — professionally, psychologically, socially or culturally — they will feel that a burden has been lifted from their shoulders. Only then will they be more willing to become outstanding in both their personal and professional lives.

I believe in the quote “Love yourself before loving others.” We may consider this narcissism because loving oneself before others can be selfish and egocentric but I believe that this is not always true. When you look after yourself, you end up more loving of others. You are not so engaged with your own psychology that you don’t have time to think of others. When a woman respects herself first, she will definitely not accept humiliation and everyone around her will be forced to respect and treat her with respect and consideration. What needs to be pinpointed is that the difference between men and women is only one chromosome. Can that really be the reason for male superiority?


Pertinent Links:

1) Why This Subservience to Man in Everything?